March 18, 2009 Work is Stupid

We didn’t even realize it was St. Patrick’s Day yesterday. I mean the locals surely care very little, here in San Marcos anyway. But I’m sure the bars and restaurants were full of expats and tourists, both of whom seem to love getting drunk. I even read in Lake Atitlan’s little English magazine that the expats want the whole month of March to be about getting drunk and “forget Lent”!
The thing is, despite being in paradise and waking up every morning to this view of the calm blue lake shimmering in the sun, Sal still has to work. And since his internet is much, much slower here, instead of working 8-hour days, he’s been working 12. And it seems like ever since we left California, things have been going wrong all over LesConcierge (sometimes when it loads slowly on his computer, it just says “LesCon” which, I bet, is where Sal wishes he worked). It almost seems like someone’s out to get him. And poor Sal, determined as he was to give us a better life, has been incredibly stressed over the work he’s doing and his job security doing it.
I don’t have much to do. I’ve been writing a book, fiction, for the past two years and I was putting the last touches on my first draft. But now I just wanted to sit on it for a while before starting the second. So other than doing a few tedious chores (like copying the video off our camcorder and cleaning the house – ugh, what a pain in the ass that was…) I mostly sit around listening to Sal work and sharing in his discomfort. He talks a lot about plans, what we’ll do if the job doesn’t work out, what we’ll do if he has free time again. He’s so talented in so many different areas: I’m not worried about him finding something to do. I’m just worried about him feeling useful and satisfied, there was a time this job made him feel that way.
I’ve spent a lot of time training myself in the luxury of not worrying about money. Not letting it stress me out. Because money does not now and will never dictate my happiness, only I do that. I believe it to be a passing craze, and I truly hope humanity will get over this obsession with separation and class structures soon. But Sal does not share in my hopeful naiveté, and he considers himself incapable of doing so. He’s very good to take on this responsibility, but I can think of a million things I’d rather see him doing.
Like making music, for the love of starfish.
I don’t have any answers. The rain on our parade is now and always has been balancing the importance of financial security with the much greater importance of us, our partnership, and the life we’re building together. Maybe without the concern of money, life would be too easy, and then what’s the point? I would like to generate an income, anyone need any papers edited? I’d like to see Sal free from the shackles of employment, he’s too creative, unique and beautiful to be titled and salaried, I don’t like it.
Save us, Universe, bring us some good luck, please.